Catalyst
by INeedCoffeeArghhh
Summary: Cats: They shouldn't smirk, they shouldn't understand what you're saying... and their eyes definitely shouldn't be glowing that colour. (Co-written with ScaryBones!)


**A/N: Hello, peeps! So this whole idea was formed and parts were excitingly co-written with the lovely ScaryBones. Remember that! We just love the idea of this certain kitty-cat! :D**

**Please, enjoy!**

* * *

Gregory sighed, placing his hands on his hips. He was well used to Christophe's stubbornness, but not prepared to take the standard answer of 'no'. He'd had enough. He would get what he wanted soon.

Christophe crossed his arms and growled from low in his throat. He didn't care how much Gregory kept whining - the answer would always be no.

"Please?"

"No."

"But it would provide protection?"

"No."

"Tophe..."

"I hate dogs."

"Not even a small one?"

"Not even a puppy!"

Gregory ground his teeth. "I can never have anything I want." It was like when he wanted to re-paint the bedroom from the ghastly green the previous owners had painted, or throw out the ridiculously old arm-chair Christophe referred to as his _'smoking chair.'_ The Frenchman would just not allow it. He had fought to keep things the same way. Christophe didn't seem to like change.

However, if there was one thing Christophe hated more than change, it was dogs.

Christophe tried to reason with Gregory. "You can 'av anything else you want, mon amour, but not a dog."

"So you'd be happy if I got... a cat, say?"

"Un chat?" He'd sort of walked into that one. It couldn't be worse than a dog... "D'accord."

Gregory smiled mischievously then.

Christophe wondered what he'd just done.

XXX

The next day, Gregory was not in bed when Christophe woke up. He'd left a message saying he had an errand to run. Errand - that could mean anything from buying bread to an assassination. Christophe grumbled about having to make his own breakfast and moodily wrapped the covers around him in protest.

Gregory returned just as Christophe had finished dressing, and was about to go over the floor plans drawn up for their next mission. Christophe could hear Gregory enter the bedroom and then muttering something, moving to the bathroom and knocking on the door.

"I'm een ze office!" he called, to save Gregory the trouble of searching.

Gregory appeared at the doorway, holding a bundle of black fur. Christophe instantly recoiled. "What's zat?" He looked at the sleek animal in his partner's arms with disgust, a bad feeling building in his stomach.

Gregory raised his eyebrows. "It's a cat." He scratched behind the cat's ear with a doting smile on his face. "I got him from the shelter. Isn't he beautiful?" The cat purred softly and burrowed his head into Gregory's elbow. Gregory laughed. "He's so gentle."

Christophe turned his nose up and stepped closer to the animal for a better look. He jumped back as the cat bared it's unbelievably sharp teeth and hissed at him, a dangerously terrifying look on suddenly angry face its face. His shocked eyes linked with Gregory's. "Are... Are you sure you want a cat?"

Gregory set the cat down and put his hands on his hips in exasperation. "You'd rather get a dog now, would you?"

"HA! NO! Never a dog." Christophe stepped back slightly as the cat approached him. It seemed very interested in his feet. "Does ze cat come wiz a name?"

Gregory shook his head. "I haven't decided yet."

"Eh." Christophe glared at the animal, which he was sure was smirking back at him. "As long as eet stays away from me eet's fine."

XXX

The following morning Christophe slouched into the kitchen with his well-practiced scowl. He saw the cat and immediately knew his day was off to a bad start. "Why are you letting ze cat eat pancakes on the table?" he grumbled.

Gregory didn't look up from his tablet where he was reading the morning news. "He's hungry."

"Eet should be eating cat food... on ze floor."

The cat turned to Christophe and wrinkled his nose in disgust. Christophe pretended he didn't see the action. Some things were best ignored. "At least get off ze table," he muttered, picking up the cat hesitantly - as if he was poison to touch - and putting him on the floor.

The cat hissed by Christophe's feet, causing the Frenchman to pick his legs off the ground and rest them on the seat of his chair instead. Gregory laughed at him. "Scared the cat will bite your ankles?"

"Yes actually. I think you've picked a messed up one." Christophe saw that the cat was watching him intently. "I-I don't like eet." He shuddered. "I saw eet killing birds yesterday."

Gregory sighed. "Cats do that."

"Yes, but eet killed about twenty and lined zem up perfectly on ze doorstep. I'm sure zey were in height order as well. What type of cat does zat?" Christophe frowned at the memory - it wasn't what he expected to see going to the garage for cigarettes. "I thought cats were meant to eat birds but 'e just sat zere staring at zem."

Gregory tried not to let his amusement show as he continued reading the headlines. "They were probably presents for you?"

"Twenty dead birds! What kind of fucked up present ees zat?"

"Dogs don't do that."

"We are _not _getting a dog."

"Then deal with it."

Christophe got up from the table with a scowl. "Suddenly I'm not very 'ungry for breakfast." He glared at the cat as it jumped on his vacated chair towards Gregory.

Gregory smirked at it and it seemed to smirk back. He said something that Christophe couldn't hear. Christophe shook his head - if talking to the cat was the first sign that Gregory was losing it then he'd rather be ignorant. It's not that he didn't care, it's just that he's been waiting so long for Gregory's sharp brain to break down that he'd already come to terms with it, even though it hasn't happened yet. He shook his head again and lit a cigarette - he knew what he meant.

Gregory had to be going insane to like _that _cat.

XXX

A few days later, Christophe was getting desperate. The cat was causing problems that were taking over his life.

"Damien, please 'elp me. I think Gregory is going crazy wiz zis cat! And ze cat scares me! Eet keep staring at me everywhere I go."

Damien sat at Gregory and Christophe's kitchen table. "Oh really?"

"And I think either eet hates me or _really_ likes me." Christophe blew a trail of smoke from his mouth. "And eef eet's ze former zen I fear for my life, and eef eet's ze latter then... well zat's just fucked up." The cigarette trembled in his hand. "I'm- I'm losing sleep. I can't sleep wiz eet watching me all ze time."

"Your cat watches you?"

"Zat's all eet does. Eet just sits there staring with eet's black, lifeless eyes, and eet never blinks!" Christophe took another shaky drag on his cigarette. "Eet even watched me and Gregory during sex. And eet killed ze mood so much zat I 'ad to stop. Gregory wasn't 'appy wiz me for zat!"

Damien chuckled. "You know what will make it go away."

"I am _not_ getting a dog," Christophe grunted defiantly. "Ze cat ees still better zan zat."

Damien shrugged. "It's your life. Just prepare yourself."

Christophe narrowed his eyes at his friend. "Ze fuck do you mean by zat?"

XXX

Gregory woke Christophe up on Friday morning with a pillow thrown to the face. Christophe was not amused. He didn't feel like he'd had chance to sleep for very long. They were out the night before, on a mission rescuing someone. Gregory sighed and pulled Christophe out of bed, pushing him in the direction of the bathroom. "I insist you shower after how dirty we got yesterday."

"All by myself?" Christophe asked. He saw that Gregory was already up. "Or do you feel like taking another shower?" He grabbed onto the doorway to stop himself from being pushed in.

"I just got dressed. There are no monsters lurking in the shower, you'll be fine." Gregory smirked and tickled Christophe under the arms.

Christophe burst out laughing and fell into the bathroom. "No fair, you cheated," he muttered, but pulled off his underwear and stepped into the shower. He checked to make sure there weren't any stray cats around, well just _that _one cat in particular. Where was it hiding? _Waiting..._

Gregory closed the lid of the toilet and sat down. "I'll watch instead." And that couldn't be a bad thing as far as his partners toned body went. As Christophe started to shower, Gregory meowed teasingly. He did it to watch the Frenchman squirm. He supposed he was just cruel like that, all out to win his case. He knew it wouldn't be long now.

Christophe jumped and looked around the bathroom. He noticed Gregory's smirking face. "Stop eet, zat scares me." He slowly washed his body, letting Gregory know what he was missing. Gregory rolled his eyes at Christophe, but watched happily. Another meow was heard. Christophe glared at Gregory.

Gregory held his hands up with a smirk. "That wasn't me."

Christophe covered his crotch, glancing around the bathroom suspiciously. "Of all ze times to be naked," he muttered.

The cat appeared from behind the sink, where it had evidently been hiding. It brushed itself against Gregory's legs and purred softly. "What do you mean? You're in the shower... of course you're going to be naked?"

"Mmnn."

"Are you feeling alright, Tophe?" Gregory picked up the cat and tickled him behind the ears.

"I-I just don't want zat _cat_ seeing me." Christophe moved one hand from his crotch and pointed at the black creature. "And I'm not so 'appy about you touching eet."

Gregory laughed out loud. "It's a cat!"

Christophe narrowed his eyes. "Eet's an evil cat. I saw 'im torturing about fifty birds. Zat's right, eet's moved on from killing zem to bringing zem painfully to ze edge of death and watching zem suffer. Eet's twisted! I didn't even know we 'ad zat many birds een ze area. And answer me zis - how deed zat mouse end up een the fridge?"

Gregory stiffened. "I thought we weren't going to mention that again?"

"Eet was ze cat!"

"Cat's can't open fridges! They lack the thumbs!"

Christophe swore he saw the cat looking down at his paws and smirking at that. "Look at 'im! I didn't do eet! 'E did!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

Christophe picked up the bar of soap from the side of the tub and threw it at Gregory. Gregory ducked and it hit the wall behind him, leaving a wet print. "I want zat cat OUT OF MY 'OUSE!"

Gregory stood up and scowled, placing the cat back on the floor. "You're so childish." He left the bathroom, slamming the door. The cat stayed.

Christophe yelled in frustration and hit the tiles as the water continued running over him. He hesitantly glanced over his shoulder and saw the cat staring at him, its eyes trailing up and down. Christophe gritted his teeth. "Why won't you leave me alone?"

The cat was smirking. He was sure the cat was smirking at him.

"What 'av I done? Ees zis some sort of punishment?"

The cat nodded.

Christophe blinked. He had to force his eyes open again, force his body not to collapse in the tub. The cat was closer, its paws touching the tub's rim. Christophe growled and splashed water at the it, confident that it would be deterred. But it didn't work - the cat didn't even flinch.

Christophe's voice quivered. "What type of cat are you?"

The cat meowed.

"You're not normal."

The cat meowed.

"You respond t-to me. And you smirk - cats shouldn't smirk. It's almost as if you're a demon."

The cat's eyes glowed red.

It is was if Christophe was four years old again. He jumped over the evil beast and ran from the bathroom, dripping water over the floor in the process. It soaked into the carpet and left a trail behind him. He ran past the bedroom and barged into the office, where Gregory was sat sulking in a chair. He leapt on Gregory and wrapped his arms tightly around his neck. "Save me!"

Gregory didn't react about Christophe trailing water through the house, or how his clothes were getting wet. He acted concerned and stroked Christophe's back comfortingly. "How can I save you, Tophe?"

"Please I want zat cat gone. I'll do anything! I just want eet gone," Christophe pleaded. "We can even get a dog!"

Gregory chuckled. "Do you promise?"

"Oui. Oui! Just get rid of ze cat." Christophe hid his face in Gregory's neck. "Eet's going to kill me."

"Oh, I wouldn't let him go that far," Gregory said as he grinned triumphantly. "Okay, Damien, gig's up!" he called.

Damien strolled into the study, completely naked. He grinned at Gregory and Gregory grinned back.

"Thank you for your services," said the blond.

"Happy to help." Damien yawned and ran a hand through his hair. "Damn, I'm tired. You'd think being a cat I'd get more sleep - not the case." He glanced down at himself. "You - uh - got any clothes?"

Christophe raised his head slowly from Gregory's neck, seething, eyes a dangerously dark shade. He couldn't believe the fool he'd been. One more word by either of them and he feared he would snap. He waited, hoping they would say the right thing.

Damien smirked at him - the smirk so similar to the one he wore as a cat. "You've gone quite, Frenchy. What's the matter... cat got your tongue?"

Christophe screamed French expletives. He lunged for the Antichrist, tackling him to the ground. "I hate you!"

Damien yelped at hitting his head on the edge of Gregory's desk. He blinked rapidly and tried to push Christophe off him. "I was just doing as I was told. I owed Gregory a favour!"

Gregory smirked and stood, putting his hand on Christophe's shoulder to get his attention.

"If you're good you can name the dog, Tophe," he gloated.

Christophe glared at him. "'Ow about fuck off?"

"How about Damien?" offered the Antichrist from his trapped position on the floor.

Christophe turned back to him. "'Ow about fuck off, Damien?"

Gregory walked out of the study with a smirk. "As much as I'd love to watch two handsome men wrestling naked on my floor, I have a man to see about a dog."


End file.
